Al & Dev in the US of A: May 2017

Hello Friends!

This post brings some (semi) Deep Feelings and (semi) Big Thoughts, so steady yourselves!

Really it has been an interesting experience to do this, if for nothing else than to see how living in Paradise stacks up in reality. I know for sure that we left a lot of jealous people in the UK when we said we were doing a stint in LA, so this is the ‘six month in’ retrospective, which revolves around the following themes:

1. Things are not always what they seem.

2. Even in paradise, you still get parking tickets, step in dog shit, and kids scrape their knees.

3. Be thankful for what you got.

4. Still, you should really, really try to get to California.

Are you ready? Here goes:

1. Things are not always what they seem.

So: the titties (everywhere - perfect orbs glide motionless on jogging women). The blondes (me included). The price labels (do not reflect what you pay at checkout). The postcards/ FaceBook pictures (say - May Gray? June Gloom? Did no-one care to mention these glitches in the endless sunshine?).

2. Even in paradise…

Yep - more parking tickets than I’ve ever had in my life. I think we’re up to 5 ($53 each) so far. The day-to-day stresses have probably been the most surprising (and difficult) part of our experience so far. I’ve made a couple of friends with other British mums out here, and this is what we gripe over when we meet up for play dates: the cost of groceries and limping to the end of each financial month due to the cost of things; the hidden extra costs everywhere; kids’ challenging phases and stages (plenty this end in the last month!); threat of eviction due to landlord selling property (!) etc. Oh and there are a lot of dogs here, hence the dog shit… I won’t go on, but suffice it to say, there have been quite a few tears shed in the last month!

3. Be thankful for what you got

Fear not, in the last couple of weeks, things have regained a more even keel, and I have once again been able to notice and appreciate what I have here. I’ve had more time with my pAl than in the last few years, and he is still hilarious, and annoying, and lovely, and handsome, and interesting (jesus, I would have thought we’d be sick of each other by now). The boys are growing and thriving, especially our Mr Sid, who has learnt to enjoy reading, throw, and count in tens in an American accent. He has loads of friends at school and is an ever more confident, sociable and joyful boy. That said, he misses his UK friends like mad, and I keep finding little notes with his friends’ names on them along with hearts and ‘BFF’ annotations. Alfie too is growing and exploring the volume of his voice (!) and his vocabulary (he is currently ‘unconcerned’). He has an amazing nursery school and that - and the friends and support I’ve found there - have saved our sanity. Surprisingly, he is the one who has struggled most to deal with the transition. I had expected this intrepid go-getter to sail through this experience, but he has been the most unsettled, perhaps because - although he knows it’s temporary - he doesn’t understand quite how long a week or a month is, and therefore is never quite sure when we will be going home. I think this perhaps partly explains some of the challenging behaviour of late.

While on the ’thankful’ theme, I am floored on an almost daily basis by something in the environment around me - elements of paradise like seeing dolphins (and whales!) from our sitting room window/ on the walk to school, the tiny, blissful humming birds, and the bright warming sunshine glinting on the majestic Pacific Ocean.

A last thought on this theme is how precious our friends and family members are. FaceTime and WhatsApp do NOT make up for the simple comforts of those weekly mum catch ups, 20 minute phone conversations about nothing after the kids have gone to bed, and school-gate catch-ups with people who are on the same cultural plain as you. Since being out here I have also missed out on people going through some big life moments (from the first 6 months of someone’s life, to bereavement, to unexpected shifts in life plans), and I regret not being there to share in those, give hugs, listen and join in those girls nights out to chew the fat. I know sometimes these day-to-day exchanges seem mundane and everyday, but please, friends - seize and relish them!

4. Get to California.

We’ve tried hard, but we’ve decided that we are not enamoured of Los Angeles. California, however is a different matter: this is the most astonishing and awe-inspiring state and we just love it. The scale and diversity of the natural and geographical phenomena here are just staggering.

Joshua Tree National Park is astonishing not just for these weird Dr. Seuss-style trees, but also for its colossal rounded boulders and its amazing desert flora and fauna. Plus the lushness of that dry desert heat on your skin can’t be beaten (in my humble opinion).

We went to Grand Canyon with Al’s Mum (okay - Arizona, not California). We had been before in 2007, but even that doesn’t prepare you for the sensation of coming out of the pine forest to be suddenly on the edge of the most astonishing precipice that just goes down. and down. and down, and then miles across before the other side. My photos do not do it justice.

With my Mum and Dad we went to the Sierra Nevada foothills and to Sequoia and Yosemite National Parks. Trees and Granite cliffs on an indescribable scale. Getting there (and back) took a lot of driving, but - avoiding the Freeway - we drove through some truly breath-taking scenery including orange groves in full flower backed by the snowcapped mountains (wind the windows down and inhale that scent!), and winding mountain roads with sheer drops (yikes!).

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And so - 3.5 months left! Our new life philosophy is to be conscious of what makes us happy and seize every opportunity that might bring that about. As a result, tomorrow we’re off to buy a family-sized tent to begin on some camping adventures, and I’ve got a 4-day dash to Somerset next weekend for Lizzie’s wedding. She’s probably the longest-standing friend I have in my phonebook and I wouldn’t miss it for the world (with a huge debt to Al who is dutifully staying here to manage home life and entertain boys).

Well done if you’ve survived this post and made it this far - apologies for the length and depth of this post, but it feels good to have got it off my (all natural) chest! Thanks. Next post: more frippery and ephemera.

Big love to you all, and see you at the end of the summer (apart from those of you I’ll see next weekend on the dance floor) xxx